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Subway Sage

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My Own Personal Subway Sage

This morning, as I was walking down the steps of the Times Square subway station, I found myself locked in a BRAIN LOOP. You the kind I mean: your brain picks one random problem and catastrophizes the situation until you see no way out. It repeats and repeats over and over in a vicious cycle of anxiety and self-doubt. The thing about getting sucked into rumination ruin is, it's never helped me solve one of my problems. Ever! Yet, I continue to use this "method" and worry myself sick.

As I took my seat on the 7 train I, like the New Yorker I am, avoided eye contact with everyone else on the train. I looked up and was engaged in the accidental eye contact that sometimes happens with another passenger and as one does on the train, I quickly looked away. A few minutes later it happened again, I made eye contact with the same man across from me and quickly looked in another direction, thinking nothing of it,

It happened a third time and I noticed the man was intentionally looking directly at me. I looked back and saw him signaling for me to take out my ear buds. This is awkward, I thought, but felt compelled to do so. He was a thin man of about sixty, wearing disheveled clothing that made me question whether or not he was homeless. I thought he was going to ask me for money

"You are a beautiful woman but you are controlling,” he said.

“Pardon?" I asked even though I had heard him.

"You are too controlling, I feel it all over you, and it’s all over your face. You can’t control the situation just," he paused for effect "--LET IT FLY." With this he held both arms up over his head, fingers fluttering through the air as if his arms were wings and he could take flight at any moment.

I nervously laughed. He had hit the nail on the head. How had he known? Still skeptical I asked:

“Excuse Me?”

"Listen, I can tell you're trying to control something that is out of your hands girl, LET IT FLY. How old are you?" He asked.

When I told him I was forty-nine, he tossed back his head, released a big belly laugh and said, “Girl you really need to LET IT FLY. You should know this by now."

I saw the others in the crowed rush hour train, now all listening and watching our interaction.

“You know what?" I answered. "You are absolutely right; I’m going to make that my new mantra… LET IT FLY!

He emitted another hearty laugh and nodded his head in agreement.
The train stopped at Vernon-Jackson and he stood. We high fived each other as he passed me to exit the train. I felt tingles run through my entire body and as crazy as this sounds, I felt that I had just had a spiritual experience.

I have felt disconnected lately, due to a stressful situation in my life, like I couldn’t’t connect clearly and have been begging for a message from the universe.

And I got one, on the 7 train. My own subway sage.

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